Parents Notebook: Reflections on Mother’s Day

Nazim, my 10-year-old grandson asked why they didn’t want to show bin Laden’s pictures.  This question led to my sharing my dismay with killing and revenge.  While we both felt sympathy for the September 11th victims, we also sympathized with the countless victims of wars period, those in other countries.  Nazim suggested the Armed Forces carry a “Truce Flag” and that both sides be ordered to work on finding a truce – no truce was not an option.  I shared with him that my vision was Peace on the Planet and that we, humans, have a long way to go.  And I also told him that his truce theory could begin with each of us and members of our family.
The conversation with Nazim took place while I drove him to school.  We had reached a nonverbal truce after the prior morning’s drive was filled with him being disgruntled and complaining because I insisted we return home for him to pick up his book bag that he discovered he didn’t have.  He was trying to convince me he didn’t need it because of exams, and getting more and more upset with me, saying I was making him late for the test and he would have to take it over at the end of the year.  The debate went on for the entire trip.  When I told him I got that he was debating and had to be right.  He insisted we were having a conversation.  Needless to say I did a lot of deep breathing.  And here we were the next day, back to cooperative conversations, him sharing a passage from the book he was reading and asking me the meaning of the word “Caddie”.   But then it has always been observed that children fight one minute and resume playing the next.  It’s adults who muffle their anger but hold grudges for decades and because we don’t get rid of the anger, it holds us prisoner and we declare war on each other, killing the relationships that we need to prosper, relationships necessary to create peace, necessary for saving the planet.  So the question I pose is how do we allow  the children to lead us – to save us – to save the planet.
I’ve been in this classroom for half a century and I’m still learning.  As a grandparent, I see that it’s less about me so I empathize with parents – dealing with the pressures – may grow impatient and the emotional and spiritual needs of children are usurped by material wants.
.In raising  SMART children , the S is the foundation on which everything else depends.  It stands for Self-Worth which describes how your child sees him or her self as a person.  It starts with  how parents and others close  view him.  We, mothers,  fathers ,grandparents, aunties, uncles plant the seeds of self-worth or unworthiness in our daily interactions with our children.   We need to own this role and know that we and our children must know that we are worthy and that worthiness can not be defined by others..
1.  Explore various methods of self-discovery and self-knowledge.  The multiple -intelligence inventory is a simple way of children having their interests and strengths being affirmed.  In African and other cultures, expectant mothers received readings of the child to learn the child’s purpose. These religious practices still exist here.    Numerology and Astrology are non-religious methods.   You’ll be able to recognize what’s true and ultimately decide the credibility of the information.  We must find our way back to SELF and allow our children to know themselves so they can create a better world.
2.  Self-Confidence is the other S component and it’s measured by behavior.  A child may be self-confident at home but become shy and withdrawn in other environments.  We can increase self-confidence in needed areas by creating ways for child to overcome – NOT by ridiculing or forcing.   My granddaughters, Nailah and Malaika were terrified of dogs at one time….every encounter on the sidewalk was met with extreme fright and hysteria.  I bought a colorful notebook and informed them that they would earn a star for every dog that they passed without freaking out.  And at the end of the week, a certain percentage of dogs met without hysteria would earn a treat.  This practice grew from hesitancy to wanting to cross the street in order to meet the dog and Malaika having to be discouraged from touching dogs.
This Mother’s Day, I invite Mothers and/or Grandmothers to join me in Raising SMART children, transforming problems into projects and making family work.  email
parentsnotebook@yahoo.com or call 718-783-0059 for more info

Asthma Self-Help for African-Americans

Asthma in the African-American child may be caused by things other than what is commonly suggested.  In many African-American homes sometimes we do things that others might not be doing, such as burning incense.  Incense has a flux that comes off like any burning weed or leaf and that might be causing a child to have asthma.  So I would advise anybody that has asthmatic children, not to burn any of those types of things in their homes.  The roach is a big problem because the exoskeleton comes off and disintegrates into a protein dust which is highly allergenic.  Mite dust is another problem.   In your mattress, there are mites that eat the dead skin that flakes off your body.  These mites defecate and their waste is called mite dust.  Every time you roll over in a mattress, that dust comes up.  So people should really spend more money replacing mattresses than on doctor visits and medicines. 
Also, the residual remains of roach bombs does not easily dissipate, particularly in the winter when everything is closed up to keep the heat in.  Everything else stays as well.   If you also use a gas stove to heat a house, you get a lot of non-combustibles coming in, carbon dioxide, things like that, and you run the danger of creating a negative pressure in the house.  This negative pressure can draw gases back down a flue, gases that should be released to the outside.  This is how many people get carbon monoxide poisoning.   This is very common, and yet it gets treated as though it were the flu or some kinds of upset stomach, or headache you think is do to a cold. 
When you bring your clothing home from the dry cleaner, air it out well before you bring it into your closet.  Because perchloroethylene is a very toxic chemical.  
In African-American homes, we use a lot of disinfectants, pine and different kinds of detergents and cleaners.  Any of these aerosol products that have aromas, floral scents, should not be used in the home around children.  There are many chemicals in the spray system of the can.
Of course, there should be no smoking in a house with children.  No smoking at all.   A baby=s lungs are very sensitive and susceptible to damage from cigarette smoke.  There is not one thing in the diet that can=t cause asthma.  You can have asthma from eating one type of food.  I had a patient who went to see her daughter at college, and she went into a little restaurant and had some chili, without knowing they had used peanuts in the preparation.   She ate it and died from an asthmatic attack. 
One of the biggest things found now in many foods is sulfite.  We have something in our bodies called sulfite oxidase which can oxidize the sulfite when it comes into our bodies.  But that enzyme system is limited in the amount of work it can do.  When it gets overloaded the system shuts down and you end up with a lot of sulfites moving through your body causing difficulty.  Researchers have found that you can protect the sulfite oxidase by using vitamin B-12.  If you look in any allergy journal sulfites is high on the list.  In fact, they have outlawed sulfites on store lunch counters, where they were used to keep the vegetables looking fresh.  Sulfites are used mostly for cosmetic purposes.  They keep tuna fish white, and the fruint in fruitcake  red, orange, pink or yellow.  Dried fruits have to be sulfited to keep their color.  White raisins are kept white by sulfites. 
A big problem that children have is with the sulfites in the quarter-water drinks.  If you go into the average Bodega and you=ll find a wide variety of these drinks, and many with sulfites.  These sulfites can build up in the body and constrict the small bronchi leading into air sacs of the lungs, triggering an asthmatic attack.   These drinks also cause hyperactivity in children because of the intense fructose that=s in it.  It intoxicates the brain.  Then there are also dyes they have put in these things to hold the color.  So the result is a variety of chemicals going into your body that the body was never designed to handle and can=t even recognize.  Give your children juices instead of the colored water drinks.  Read the labels carefully.  If this was done, it would reduce asthma as much as one-quarter. 
These drugs that are used to treat asthma are horrible.   They make children nervous, and upset, and prevent them from functioning well in school.   The pharmaceutical companies do produce some lifesaving products, but they are also profit-making enterprises, manufacturing products which they recommend be used daily.  These companies are not necessarily the best source of information on how  to prevent asthma in a more natural and safe way.   Examine everything you take into your body and remove those things that have asthma-causing properties.   Be aware of your environment and of the air quality around you.  An air purifier can have a very beneficial effect for asthmatics.    and don=t forget, consult with your allergist or doctor before changing or discontinuing any medication.

Another View of Elections

Parents, with our decision to have children came the responsibility to nurture their innate genius while modeling behavior that fosters community.  The goal is to have them grow up taking responsibility for their performance, knowing they play an integral role in shaping their personal environment as well as their community at large.  As parents, we are perpetually teaching.  Our lives become models to be patterned by our children, rejected or rebelled against by them.  What are you modeling?
Our egos don’t allow for much self-assessment.  But if we are to empower our children to make the changes necessary for them to thrive (notice I didn’t say survive) in this country, it requires us to look at the practices that have prevented us from effecting change thus far.
Does your child see you taking on challenges, solving problems and overcoming obstacles or complaining, pointing the finger of blame at others, resigned and hopeless about situations?
There is a cloud of resignation hanging over our communities that show up as lack of participation across the board: political elections, involvement in schools, block and tenant associations.  In these areas, only a few people make the decisions because only a few participate.  But we all complain and the decisions made by the few affect us all.
The last few days leading up to the upcoming election can serve as an opportunity to include your child in the process and examining ways of modeling involvement.  Some suggestions.
·     Resolve issues arising in the family by convening meetings where all sides of the issue are heard and family members vote.  It’s really important that the youngsters are free to express their point of view.  It’s also important that the parents understand that others, including our children, may see things differently than we do.  I think that   conflicts ranging from family fights to wars stem from the inability to tolerate differences.  If in our families we can acknowledge and appreciate different perspectives, we not only teach conflict management but we teach community building because the more perspectives shared on an issue leads to a better solution.
·     Register to vote and then vote in every election.  There are no unimportant elections. Make the election a family project.   Gather biographical information on the candidates.  Discuss their positions on issues.  Watch televised debates. And by all means, take your children to the polls.   Let them pull the lever. I took my children to the polls from the age of four or five and they could hardly wait until they turned 18 to register to vote.  The habit of voting continues as adults are now residing in  five different states.
·     Take it a step further.  Show a commitment to have all residents on your block know they make a difference.  Let them know that when a total community actually cast votes (not merely register), they get the attention of the decision-makers.  Don’t get bogged down in who your neighbors vote for.  Remember, individuals have different points of view. The goal is to have a large number of folks in our communities showing up and pulling the levers.  Some years back, voter registration was a major activity of candidates running for office. Today, the focus is on the voters who actually show up at the polls.
Parents, since you are shaping tomorrow anyway, why not do it with purpose and experiencing satisfaction?  In the Ujima Circle parents are sharing ways to make Home Work to develop Self-directed, Motivated, Achieving, Responsible, Team-working families. Call 718-783-0059 or e-mail parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.