Father’s Pledge – Allies, Activists, Advocates

By Nayaba Arinde
Editor-at-Large
Father’s Day presents the opportunity for reflection, gratitude, or even a reset if necessary. While commerce collects major consumer dollars, culturally, it is also utilized by some to shine a spotlight on issues in the community.

Calling all fathers and father figures, for 15 years, Quentin Walcott, executive director and co-founder of the anti-violence organization Connect NYC, has had hundreds of men recite The Fathers Pledge Against Violence on the steps of Brooklyn’s Jay Street Borough Hall or Manhattan’s City Hall. Today, Thursday, 13th June, the Pledge was recited on the steps of City Hall in Manhattan.

The first of the 11 points is, “Never commit, condone, or remain silent about domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and violence in our homes and communities.”
“This year’s theme is about men’s mental wellness because we believe that healthy men equals healthy relationships and healthy communities,” Walcott told Our Time Press. “This is about women and children, and standing as allies and activists, doing the work daily.”

Walcott’s origin story began as a CUNY’s York College student activist. Since protesting police brutality, and fighting for justice for political prisoners, he has been called to be an international speaker at anti-violence forums as far as Kenya, South Africa, and Brazil. He has served on the city’s Domestic Violence Task Force Steering Committee, spoken at the White House for the United States of Women Summit, and won multiple awards for his advocacy for women’s rights.

For 15 years, he has encouraged men to take accountability for their families and strive to look within to make solid and positive contributions to the community. Stating that over 85% of abusers are men, Walcott told the paper, “We work with men as partners against violence against women and girls. Unfortunately, when you scratch the surface of all forms of violence, there’s usually a man standing there. Part of it is about accountability, but more importantly, it is about getting men the help they need to change their attitude and belief systems towards women and girls and other men.”

Walcott added, “Many of the root causes of domestic violence are the same as other forms of violence – gun violence, systemic violence – it’s all about power and control, gaining and maintaining that…We look at the things that people use to rationalize the behavior. The reality is that a lot of people are not getting help for things like gender roles, patriarchy, and the idea that we are more important than women in this society. A lot of times, men are challenged by systems that make them feel powerless. We end up taking it out on our loved ones, and often that is our women, children, and families.”

Walcott said, “The main issue is how we see ourselves as men, how we are socialized to be men, and our attitudes in a relationship. Sometimes, when we are not meeting that, we feel emasculated, not as macho or masculine, and sometimes we take that out on women.”
A lot of time, poverty doesn’t create domestic violence, he said. “Domestic violence creates poverty…someone goes to jail, or breaks down someone’s self-esteem, or your living conditions or quality of life create poverty as well, so it is a causational thing. This idea of living up to your role as a man, you’ve got to be the breadwinner, you’ve got to be strong, you’ve got to be powerful, you’ve got to make all these major decisions – and when you’re not able to do that–sometimes you take it out on your loved ones, and intimate partner.”
Solutions?

‘We give them a safe space to talk and break down what they are feeling. Particularly during Covid because that’s when manhood was being challenged the most: losing your job, you might become homeless as a result of the conditions. So we asked, ‘How are you doing? We said it is okay to talk to someone, get therapy, speak to your peers. Seeing vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness.”
CONNECT NYC strives to be “helpful around economics, finding them jobs and keeping their housing.”

Walcott said, “There’s not enough resources, particularly for men. There are not enough Black and Latino therapists. So we continue to pressure state, city, and federal levels to financially support the idea that men and boys need help around this issue.”

With the pledge recited in three countries and in over 50 US cities, Walcott told Our Time Press that “in light of what is going on with P Diddy [rapper and businessman Sean Combs accused of multiple cases of violence against women] – and other forms of domestic violence, we put a lot of onus on the women to be safe and leave, but we are not doing the work with men to look at their behavior and give them alternatives to violence.”

With Public Advocate Jumaane Williams and Speaker Adrienne Adams among the invited to the Father’s Day Pledge Against Violence program, Walcott called it an “Opportunity to leverage the City Council as this is budget negotiating season, to make sure that they fund organizations that are looking at domestic violence, and also supporting men and the work around mental health and wellness.”
Contact https://www.connectnyc.org/