Sasha Bonét’s The Waterbearers: A Memoir of Mothers and Daughters
By Dr. Brenda M. Greene
“Stories Always Come Back in the Water” – Bonét (26)
Sasha Bonét’s The Waterbearers: A Memoir of Mothers and Daughters (Alfred Knopf, 2025) draws from Tony Morrison’s classic essay, “The Site of Memory.” Morrison posits that “All water has a perfect memory and is trying to get back to where it was.” (99) In The Waterbearers, Bonèt informs readers that “stories always come back in the water” and using the connection between water, memory, and story, she provides a framework for uncovering the memories of three generations of women: herself, her mother Connie, and her grandmother Betty Jean.
Like water, which remembers and continues to flow toward its destination despite obstacles in its path, Bonet’s grandmother and mother maintain their course as they navigate the travails of raising their families. They provide Sasha Bonét with a roadmap for survival, and as she tells their stories, readers gain insights into the interior lives of strong Black women who, notwithstanding heartaches, losses, grief, abuse, their own insecurities, and the absence of men in their lives, find ways to “mother” and nurture those around them. These women are the waterbearers, the keepers of memories. As Bonét reflects on the lives of her mother and grandmother, she evolves and comes to understand what she must do for herself and Sofia, her daughter.
Bonét’s memoir is a meditation on life and love; an exploration of what happens when people feel abandoned, insecure, and unloved; lessons on the importance of emotional, physical, and mental self-care; and reflections on the value of the family and community. She understands that her healing from pain, loss, and the feeling of abandonment necessitates that she intentionally find ways to love. This involves becoming like the bend in the river that breaks away. In her words, “It is from those closest to us that we learn how to love and how to hate ourselves too.”(16).
A central part of Bonét’s memoir focuses on her complicated relationship with her mother. She knows that Connie, her mother, loves her, but she feels unloved and ponders on her mother’s troubled childhood.
My mother had forgotten most things about her childhood, but she clings to her anger. . . . Anger for never knowing her father, the midnight man. Anger for never being held. Never being told that she was loved. Never being protected. (72)
Bonét also observes how her mother covers up her insecurities by projecting a strong, tough exterior in a male-centered world and going over and beyond in her home and workplace. This behavior eventually harms Connie; she compensates for the absence of love and a feeling of emptiness by becoming addicted to food.
Creating safe spaces for the community is another central theme in this memoir. The Third Ward, where Bonét’s family house, 5010, is located, is known as Houston’s Black Mecca, a safe place for Blacks who have migrated from the south. Blacks in The Third Ward own businesses and “remain undead.” 5010 is a safe, communal space for all of Bonét’s nuclear and extended family. Bonét reflects on a memory of 5010. “It was at 5010 that I learned about the complexities of relationships, that you can openly despise someone and still love them hopelessly.” (20)
The water metaphor is present throughout The Waterbearers. In describing what it was like growing up in Houston, Texas, Bonet looks at a map of Houston and thinks, “it seems as if the highways were built to resemble the water.” . . . “The murderous waters and winds return each year, trying desperately to cleanse us.” (55) Water is comforting as well as threatening. Bonet ponders on the role that the water played when her mother tried to forget her childhood. “Perhaps the proximity of the bayou wouldn’t let her release the past. . . .. whenever my mother experiences discomfort, she takes to the water. The water settles her.”(155, 187) When Sasha eventually moves from Houston to Manhattan, she understands and reflects on the necessity of her connection to water. “I knew that I needed to live near the water; the island embraced me. With every breath, the moisture and salt in the air felt like home.” (223)
Memoirs give readers windows into a person’s life; they do not tell the entire life story and because they are memories, they do not move in a linear path. Like the waterbearers, Bonét’s personal story and the stories of the women in her life ebb and flow. She becomes a waterbearer, one who symbolizes the many interloping narratives of the lives of Black women in America.
Sasha Bonét is a writer and cultural critic. Her criticism and essays have appeared in The Paris Review, Aperture, and New York, among other publications. She is a professor of creative writing at Columbia University. For more information, visit see https://www.sashabonet.com/
Dr. Brenda M. Greene is an Author, Professor Emerita, and Founder and Executive Director Emerita of the Center for Black Literature at Medgar Evers College, CUNY. For more information, visit https://www.drbrendamgreene.com