Stanley B. White’s Because I Said So… That’s What’s for Dinner! The Single Dad’s Guide to Mealtime is hailed by reviewers as “your go-to companion for navigating the kitchen as a single dad.” Released this past June, the Bronx-based author’s “comprehensive guide offers a wealth of easy, nutritious recipes designed specifically for busy fathers and their kids,” it is reported.
But there’s more going on here. It is bound to be the go-to tool for all cooks at all levels of chefdom, moms as well as dads, parents or not. Like most cookbooks these days, Stanley’s work shares the simple recipes, time-saving tips, fun activities in the kitchen and insights into creating balanced meals to promote healthy eating habits. But there’s something more than cooking here, according to Mr. Fred Price, who brought Stanley to our attention. So, Our Time Press asked the first-time author to share some food for thought about himself as a single dad raising a son (now in his late 20’s and, according to the author, “still listening to me.”)
In Part One of a two-parter, Stanley talks about himself in an OTP Q&A:
Bernice Elizabeth Green, Our Time Press: Mr. White, was becoming an author your life goal, or was the “SingleDad” purpose-driven, related to your son?
Stanley White: I do not know if I ever truly had a life purpose, in the sense that I always knew what I wanted to be or to do with my life. My life objective, in itself, was always evolving, always changing. What I can say as far as a purpose in life was, I wanted to be a good father to my son. I didn’t have the best relationship with my own father. I wanted to be all the things to my son that I felt my father was not for me. The idea of fatherhood for me was terrifying. My wife, at the time, wanted children right away. I wasn’t in a rush. I never felt it was the right time. I didn’t have all my ducks lined up in my life. I didn’t want us to have to struggle along the way.
But a friend and mentor of mine told me once that there is never a perfect time and that you can plan as best you can, but in the end, when it happens, it happens and you will deal with it all, good and bad. So yes, the time did come and we got pregnant. The reality of it all was still new and I found myself listening to Stevie Wonder’s “Songs in the Key of Life” album, and “Isn’t She Lovely?” came on. I listened to that song from beginning to end. I cried as I listened to Steve Wonder expound on his love for his new daughter.
I heard that song with new ears, being that I was going to be a father myself. I realized why the thought of being a father scared me so much before. One, was I even capable of that deep a love Stevie was talking about and, then, if I am, you live for them now; selfish time is over. I love my son, and my purpose became clear upon his arrival. It was to be the example of the man I would want him to be. To show him how to think for himself so that he could stand on his own, take care of his own, and have the willingness to serve others.
My purpose was to show him how to fish for himself so he would not have to rely on others to give him fish. I wanted him to know, you can live as you like in this world, you just have to figure it out.
OTP: What can women, men, and children learn from your story? Did you set out to teach a lesson or to actually tell a story so others can draw their own conclusions?
Stanley White: The late great Johnny Bristol said it best, “Hang on in there, baby”. In the end, I didn’t set out to teach a lesson with this book. Ultimately, you are left to draw your own conclusions as to what you will get out of this. For the most part, through those times, my son and I were just living it out in real time. But, in hindsight and retrospect, this is more of an observation of what happened and what came out of it.
So when I say hang on in there, baby, it’s because it will get tough. You may question yourself and the decisions that got you here, but you keep looking for and at the light and do your best with an inner trust that you are doing it all for the right reasons. It won’t be perfect all the time, but your children aren’t necessarily looking for perfection from you. Just knowing you are there sometimes counts for more than what you provide, and we need to remember that, as fathers in particular.
OTP:To those who have secrets to hold, is it ever too late to do what one has always dreamed of doing?
Stanley White: I believe we can live as we like. We just have to figure it out. I always wanted that. Not just for me but also for my family, friends, and my community. So, yes, if I’m able to figure my stuff out and I can help others do the same…, then, yes, I’m all for it. I also believe we are put on this earth to serve. When we serve one another as people, we are all enriched.
Whether we are performing the service ourselves or engaged in the services of others, we are enriched. Maybe this would be my way of providing service to my fellow man and woman. If I succeed, it only means I’ve helped someone else succeed in the process. If they succeed, I succeed, and if I succeed, they succeed, in service, enriched.
OTP:Why is “the call” of the ancestors more important than ever?
Stanley White: Forty years ago, the Honorable Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam gave the word to Black men across America to join him in a Million Man March in Washington D.C. I was there and the impact it had on me will remain with me for the rest of life. I’ll sum it up easily: “We got this!” We, as Black men, got this!! We as Black people, got this!!! Lest you forget, because those lessons aren’t being taught on the regular, WE GOT THIS.
Go back and check the FACTS, We got this. Ask your elders what really happened and they’ll tell you that and then some. Go back and read the real history of what our ancestors accomplished and overcame throughout the centuries, and you will know, We got this we just forgot. We forgot we need each other. We forgot we need to trust in one another. We just got to remember to remember and do what we do. Whether that messaging sounds old-fashioned to anyone is of no concern to me. If it sounds old-fashioned to some, then they forgot, and they need to remember to remember.
Fifty years ago Diana Ross once famously sang and asked, “Do you know where you’re going to, do you like the things that life is showing you, where are you going to, do you know?” With that I would tell young people, go back and read the real history of what our ancestors overcame throughout the centuries and what they accomplished at the same time. “How you going to know where you’re going when you don’t know where you’ve been”. At that point, they will know who they come from, where they’ve been and they can decide with insightful eyes where it is they want to go.
OTP: Music drives your passion, it seems. What music did you play as you wrote your book, and if you can string them along in sequence, what songs, in general, epitomize the soundtrack for your life story?
Stanley White: If I were to admit to a true passion in my life it would be music. Now although as a self admitted “foodie”, I love food and the passion that’s needed to create through cooking is to be recognized. But, it’s still food and it will be forever needed because you need it to sustain life whether you cook it or someone else does. For me, music has always been that necessity for me as much as food is. I feel the same way about music as we all feel about food. I need it to live.
Philadelphia’s own, The Mighty O’Jays said it best and I know they had me in mind when they sang “I Love Music”, any kind of music. That’s me, and there are far too many songs and artists who have influenced me and provided the soundtracks to my life to try and list some of them here and now.. I think I’ll have to start a SingleDad playlist and stream it on the SingleDad website. And I’m also proud to see how my passion for music was picked up and is now carried by my son who is an artist in his own right. I’m so proud of him.
- – Legacy Ventures