Whether the topic is poor performance in school or juvenile crime, the issues of “no father in the home, teenage mothers , grandparent as guardian, foster care immediately surface. The composition of today’s families become the focus rather than the needs of the individual child.

Given all the possible appearances of today’s families, in principle its job remains the same. From the beginning of time the family has been the foundation of society, being its smallest unit. A child is nurtured in the family. Moral, spiritual, educational and social development occurs here. Relationships with family last a lifetime regardless of quality.

The role nor the importance of family has not changed. The statistics that institutions publicize as theirs, whether it be schools, prisons or foster care agencies, are really statistics on the effectiveness of families. While the role of the family has not changed, our practice has. Adults spend more time at work, work related activities, affiliations, personal leisure time activities and less time with their children. The appearance of families documents the social revolution of our culture. High divorce rates that create one-parent homes or homes with step parents, single women birthing and raising children alone, same sex partners, large numbers of children in foster care all contribute to the changes in a family’s composition. Add to these the fact that today more mothers are employed (if lucky) outside the home, possibly altering the effectiveness of the tr additional two-parent home.

While there may be legitimate reasons for giving parenting a lower priority the challenge is to arrange your life, however it looks, so that the children in your care get what they need in order to thrive. We have become resigned to reading statistics as if they actually belong to the institution issuing them. Therein lies the danger of diminishing the importance of family. When institutions , especially those under capitalist control, become responsible for the education and socialization of our children, failure is the only predictable outcome. If the family and community abdicate their responsibility, children become the fodder for the maintenance and expansion of governmental businesses, i.e. extended school days/years, special education, foster care, jails. While agency statistics are just that – numbers, the family and the community are intimately affected by the plight of the human being behind the statistic.

Children (humans for that matter) have needs and unless those needs are met, we can expect behaviors ranging from inappropriate to low achieving to destructive. Children need food, shelter, physical and emotional security, love, a sense of belonging, and values in order to thrive. They also need to develop skills in order to become self-reliant, productive members of society. These needs are non-negotiable. The first step in parents regaining their place of influence is establishing and maintaining consistent practice of recovering and developing self esteem in all members of the family by recognizing and placing emphasis on their worth. Contact Parents Notebook@parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.

PN ALERTS!!!
***June 9th – 2pm – Dr. Glory’s Youth Theatre: FREE family event – “Everything is a Part of Everything!” an artistic, modern day dramatic musical that debates the role and responsibility of the Family in Global Warming and Earth Sustainability. Location: The Riverside Theatre – 91 Claremont Ave. bet. 120th and 122nd St. FREE. RSVP by calling 212-870-6784.
*** Clinton Hill Branch of the BPL will be closed this summer for Renovations.
*** A Suggestion from Bro. Ogundipe: Check with your neighborhood libraries to see how they dispose of books for whatever reason. Some librarians are willing to hold them for member selections.

Aminisha with her mother.

While parents are urged to attend PTA meetings and join groups protesting countless perceived injustices, media rarely shares information that’s usually obtained by paying a therapist. Considering the dismal statistics on too many of our youth, something more is obviously needed.
The report consisted of brain scans on children from six months, response of the brain to different conflicts, sleeping or awake. Babies from high-conflict homes have higher activation in brain and respond to angry tones. Even during sleep, babies’ brains continue to take in and process angry voices.
For years now, psychologists have been telling couples who yell at one another to stop for the sake of the kids. Such conflict in the home — even when no violence is involved – is associated with a host of negative behavioral and life outcomes for children. These traits, unless cleared, contribute to child’s inability to respond rather than react to situations. To read the NPR article visit www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/04/29.
The referenced article brings power to the home base, to parents and since large numbers of households are headed by mothers, we thought it appropriate to include it in this month of Empowering Mothers to Excelling Offspring.
While we are constantly challenged to join some protest against the myriad of perceived abuses, we rarely get opportunities for free access to information that empower while placing the tools for empowerment within your grasp. Please answer the following questions or perform the required steps truthfully in order to make the month one of empowerment. Be brutally honest; it’s been proven (time and time again) that “the truth will set you free”.
We’re talking about internal clearing, leaving you with the ability to identify problems, giving you the ability to create steps to resolve problems rather than simply protesting or punishing. Our intention is to have mothers claim their rightful place as major contributors to the future of the world.
Activity
Recall Childhood Memories
1. List the incidents that come to mind under the heading of “Things I hated about my Mother” and, separately, “Things I hated about my Father.” Allow space to add memories in both lists. After the lists are complete for both parents, get ready to make another set of lists.
2. List the incidents that come to mind under the heading of: “Things I loved about my mother” and another for “my father.” Allow space to add memories
In preparing the lists, be specific and state your true feelings at the time. Be honest; tell the truth and provide answers for both parents whether they were in your life or not.
This is called a clearing exercise because there is clinical evidence that one’s interpretation of childhood experiences shapes self-concept, choices and goals in life starting in childhood, as cited in the NPR article, and lingers through adulthood. And it gives advance warning that the once-popular saying, “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me” loses its validity when we look beyond physical pain and work to clear emotional damage.
The good news is more people of color are discovering and participating in programs that guide individuals in the process of clearing hidden wounds and setting new goals for themselves. Since parents and grandparents are privileged to shape the future, it is important that we clear any obstacles to creating a world which supports our offspring in contributing to a better world. After all, that’s really the possibility that exists. Let’s see what possibilities for change mothers can be.
During the upcoming week, keep a daily record of the following:
1. Praised my child
2. Listened to my child
3. Created opportunities for my child to make decisions
4. Engaged in family-fun activities and trips with my child
5. Assigned chores to boost self-confidence of my child
6. Approved and limited TV programs
7. Had a reading activity with my child
8: Checked homework and folders of my child
9. Communicated with my child’s teacher(s)
10. Involved myself in my child’s school activities.
We invite you to share your uncovering this month. Next week, we’ll feature sharings from readers who have linked behaviors connected to childhood experiences. You are invited to join by sending your email to parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.
Publisher’s note: After we requested Ms. Black’s biographical brief, she decided instead to share her own uncovering with her readers. She wants you to know:

“I was an only child, born in a one traffic light town, Pendleton,SC. I passed an intercollegiate exam that allowed entry into participating colleges after completing 10th grade. By 10th grade I became pregnant, got married and changed the date on the license so that my mother – a real southern Christian – wouldn’t know I was sexually active. I later discovered the source of my father’s emotional dilemma: drinking, arguing and threatening my mother. Years later, I took a Human Potential Course that changed my life. I immediately enrolled my children- all seven- in the appropriate age training. They survived their adolescence and I’m blessed with five adults who I consider my life partners. Parenting is the most rewarding job I’ve ever had and my greatest desire is to have parents recognize their power and fulfil their potential.”
PN Alerts!!Flag as Inappropriate
***Tomorrow, May 10 is the deadline for New York City residents aged 14 to 24 to apply for the Summer Youth Employment Program (SYEP). For more information and to apply visit nyc.gov/dycd or call DYCD Youth Connect at (800) 246-4646.

1. Do remember that the most important thing you can do as a parent is to keep your child’s self-esteem intact. This means protecting your child from words and acts (yours and others) that threaten your child’s feeling lovable, capable, worthwhile and responsible.

2. Do make time for your child to do the things he/she enjoys. It makes for a happier child and it gives you leverage in terms of a reward system. If there’s nothing to gain, what incentive is there to improve?

3. Do remember that children know that they are on the planet to have fun. Look for ways to make learning fun.

4. Do remember to learn from your child. They have an authenticity that adults have lost over the years. Our focus must be to protect them from physical harm – supporting them in finding their internal voice and spirit. We must be careful not to indoctrinate them with fearful, insecure attitudes resulting from the experiences of African-Americans in this country.

5. Do refrain from bribing, beating or punishing your child into submission. Getting your child to see the value of being and doing his best should result from incentives and acknowledgements which enhance self-esteem and your skill as a negotiator.

6. Do look for ways to connect classroom learning and theory to real life, i.e. making calls for reading. Conflicts are resolved using problem solving skills, letters to relatives and friends who live elsewhere, essay and poetry contests require writing; nature trips, pets, study of stars reinforce and ignite interest in science.

7. Do remember that quality time doesn’t have to look a certain way. Anytime you can manage five or ten minutes to connect with your child, you make a difference.

8. Do acknowledge all efforts and improvements made by your child. The object of our focus increases. We’re conditioned to see, speak and react to what’s “wrong” but give little or no notice to the “right” things done. Children (or adults for that matter) are not motivated by put-downs and we certainly don’t rise to low expectations.

9. Do involve your children in setting goals for themselves. We may have desires for our children but they are the ones who must own the goals if they are to reach them.

10. Do make them feel that they contribute to the family. Assign chores- teaching responsibility – not punishment, hold family meetings, including them in discussions about family issues.

11. Do devote time for spiritual enlightenment. The objective is to find and maintain a sense of inner peace – an ability to access calmness in spite of the circumstances. You will choose the path but remember the goal.

12. Do provide the Genuineness, Love, Unconditional acceptance, Empathy (GLUE) that creates and sustains the nurturing environment equipping your child with a sense of emotional security and purpose with the ability to work with others forming peaceful and productive relationships, putting an end to the violence existing today.

PN Alerts!
***Sat., April 20th , 4-5pm – Today’s Children- Tomorrow’s Parents – Grand opening of program supporting parents sponsored by Bethel Seventh-Day Adventist Church, 457 Grand Ave., Tele. 718-783-3875; 718-783-3630.

***April 25th , 4-7 PM – Mix & Mingle – an intergenerational event sponsored by Bailey’s Café and the Grace Agard Harewood Senior Center featuring a Talent Showcase and dinner connecting generations to strengthen the next generation, making a better world. Event includes an opportunity for the generations to meet and share stories, finding a common bond despite age differences, and dinner. If interested in performing contact ssiegel@baileyscafe.org or 718-670-7063.

***Summer Youth Employment Applications available at www.nyc.gov/dycd.
NYC residents between the ages of 14-24 must apply by May 10th. For more information call 311 or 1-800-246-4646. Selection is by lottery and not everyone who applies will be selected.
***Join Citizens Defending Libraries– calling for the community to recognize and protect these community assets from the underfunding and threatened shrinkage and sale to private developers. Contact your local council and Assembly members. Contact Carolyn McIntyre 718-797-5207. For more info on the movement and to sign an online petition go to signon.org, in search box enter “libraries”.
***Sunday, April 28th – 3pm – the Board for the Education of People of African Ancestry (BEPAA) hosts Dr. Ray Winbush who will give a slide, lecture and book presentation on the Warrior Method for Raising Healthy Black Boys. The event will be held at the John Henrik Clarke House located at 286 Convent Ave. in Harlem.Admission is Free.

Public Advocate Bill de Blasio with his wife and son.

Bill de Blasio is waging an aggressive campaign for mayor against presumed front-runner City Council Speaker Christine Quinn. Reminiscent of 2009 when de Blasio and others railed against Quinn’s role in overturning term limits despite two referenda, this year the public advocate is making his case for change with every Quinn misstep. For months, de Blasio blasted Quinn for three years of stalling a vote on sick pay, then when she acquiesced to a watered-down version he said it wasn’t good enough. With recent revelations that Councilman Dan Halloran planned to abuse the member item process as part of a larger scheme to get State Senator Malcolm Smith on the Republican ballot for mayor, de Blasio has called for complete elimination of member items in the council.

De Blasio called the recent arrests a “jolt to our system” to see so many people arrested on the city and state level and investigations continue that could result in even more. “The federal government and the state government have banned the use of member items,” said de Blasio. “The city continues, and yet if Councilman Halloran goes to jail he will be the 4th City Council member in four years to end up behind bars because — in each and every case — of the misuse of member items. I think the city council needs more oversight because whatever internal controls they put in place are not working.” He believes that a series of reforms are needed “if we are going to restore public trust”.

From de Blasio’s viewpoint, corruption is not the only problem with member items. “The other problem is a political one. Member item money is used as a reward and punishment,” said de Blasio. “It’s not Speaker Quinn’s money or anyone else in power’s money. It’s the people’s money and it’s not for her to decide she is going to give more or less depending on her political needs and whims. We heard from City Council members Crowley and Vallone who gave very specific instances where they and their districts were punished because they opposed the speaker on a particular issue. That is wrong. It is another reason why member items have to end.”

Overall, de Blasio thinks the city needs a series of very strong, bold solutions to solve the “Tale of Two Cities” entrenched income disparities created under Bloomberg. “If we are going to fix the income disparity that plagues us, where we have literally the worst division between rich and poor since the Great Depression — and growing — it’s going to be by using every tool we’ve got,” said de Blasio. A city that is affordable for some who have good schools and safe streets while others struggle is unsustainable “is not a status quo we can live with,” he said. De Blasio added, “If you think the Bloomberg years worked out perfectly, and then I am not your candidate.”

In a dig to Bloomberg and Quinn (who orchestrated the council vote to overturn term limits), de Blasio told the overflow crowd at the 44th AD candidate forum: “I think, although one could argue, there was some promise in the early Bloomberg years; I think he went astray from the moment he proposed changing term limits to benefit himself which I was honored to lead the opposition against in the City Council with [Council woman] Tish James.” Continuing his point, de Blasio said, “When the mayor and the business community stood up with all their might and said they want to continue him in office, we fought against it. That, I think, was the beginning of the end of whatever vision or progressive values might have existed in Bloomberg’s world. Certainly, in the third term, we haven’t seen any.”

De Blasio said the city, as it is currently structured, does not reflect our values as New Yorkers. “As New Yorkers, we believe in compassion, tolerance, inclusion, diversity,” said de Blasio. “We believe this is a city for everyone.”

According to de Blasio, mere tweaking of Bloomberg’s policies is not enough. “We have to use living wage — which says we simply are going to make sure when we subsidize a company that the company provides its employees a decent wage — to reach thousands and ultimately tens of thousands of people,” he said. “We’ve got to have paid sick days, not for some, but for everyone we can reach. We were fighting for three years for paid sick days in this city. A compromise was struck but that compromise – even though I am glad we got something – left out 300,000 people on the face of it. And it won’t take effect for another year or two. And there is a part of the law that suggests it might not ever take effect if the economy has trouble.”

De Blasio wants paid sick days for people who need them now. I can’t think of anything that would affect the lives of families more than making sure people cannot lose good jobs when they are sick and wouldn’t lose a day or two or three days pay just because they were sick,” said de Blasio. “People simply can’t afford that.”

Speaking of Bloomberg’s favored treatment of Manhattan over the outer boroughs on a number of issues — including disproportionate fines imposed on outer borough businesses — de Blasio said, “That is not sustainable either”.

If elected, de Blasio said that as a public school parent he would be the first mayor to serve while having a child in the public schools. He would tax the wealthiest New Yorkers – people who make a half-million or more – to pay for full-day, universal pre-K. “Every child in New York City who needs a pre-K gets a pre-K seat,” said de Blasio. “And for every middle school child three hours of after-school guaranteed for free. So that they can get the help they need. That would fundamentally change our schools.”

On stop-and-frisk, de Blasio said it’s unacceptable and must change. “We need a new police commissioner who will make real reform. We need an Inspector General so we never have a stop-and-frisk crisis again,” he said. “We need a series of changes to make policing more equitable and to bind back the relationship between police and community.”

“There is no contradiction between wanting a decent respectful relationship between police and community and respect for civil liberties and constitutional guarantees,” said de Blasio. “I have heard it from the mayor and the police commissioner suggesting that you can’t have both. I disagree. It is against the values of this country to say you can’t have respect for civil liberties and respect for public safety at the same time.”

The slower days of summer bring an opportunity for parents to begin using the home as a learning lab.  Parents are experienced at functioning in the real world, having skills for various workplaces.  We want our children to have Survival skills – and we want them to have a sense of purpose – their purpose, contribution.   It must start with Self.  We can no longer depend on a system that values profit over humanity to protect our children.  Parents allowing children to practice skills learned at home generates a feeling of being capable – the major ingredient of self-esteem.  Family and neighbors can play a role by assigning and rewarding tasks.   Home is the place to grow emotionally secure, confident youngsters who are capable of problem-solving and making life-supportive choices.

While February, being Black History Month, is always filled with programming that brings new heroes and heroines to light, summer can be a time to extend those discoveries from home base.  Roots Revisited developed and circulated a flyer “Elders/Ancestors/Inventors- Deserve Respect:” The flyer lists over 80 Black inventors with their invention. (Call 718-773-0246 or 718-778-0009, ext 17 for flyer) Youngsters could choose an invention of choice and research the inventor and circumstances associated with the invention. Using the invention as object of choice is important as it may provide clues to child’s stronger intelligences. And while your child’s school may or may not have included a Multiple Intelligence-oriented curriculum, parents must find ways to allow their child to grow.

1. Designate a weekly family night with hours that work for all family members. Use time for each to share what’s happening with them, assign weekly chores, acknowledge accomplishments, resolve disputes, plan family events. This activity will add to family cohesiveness, setting the stage for family to function as a team.

2. Have each family member select, read a newspaper or magazine article at a family meal and please plan at least one family meal per week.

3. Assign the responsibility for checking utility bills each month. You may want to develop a chart for monthly comparisons.

4. Have child read a recipe while you prepare the dish or have student read recipe and prepare dish.

5.  Have student compare prices on sales sheets, read directions on medication or household products.

6. Prepare and divide items on shopping list, allowing child or children to find items at market.

7. Provide a map and ask child to write directions to destinations.

8. Play word games –SCRABBLE, Puzzles, Word Search, etc.  These provide fun while building vocabulary and sharpening math skills.

9. Create a project that neighbors and neighborhood kids can join.

Please send ideas for summer projects at home and on the city blocks growing community during the summer.  Share your project and send ideas to parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.

PN Alerts!!

***Summer Tech Internship for H.S. girls –

an 8-week summer program embeds high school girls inside a technology company or university setting from 9-5 each day where they get hands-on experience in  computing concepts, programming fundamentals, mobile phone development, robotics and Web development and  design. The 2013 Girls Who Code Summer Immersion Program will be offered in New York, Detroit and the San Francisco Bay Area. Applicants must be current high school sophomores or juniors and must commit to attending the full 8-week program  at 9am-5pm each day.  No background in computer science is required. Deadline for applying is April 15, 2013 at 11:59PM EST.  Visit www.girlswhocode.com for more information and to apply.

***Career Opportunities in Accounting Program at Long Island University Bklyn campus – program for high school juniors.  Program runs from Sunday, July 7- July 11. Free and includes accommodations in the LIU residence halls.  Deadline to apply – Saturday, April 20.  For more info and apply community@brooklyn.liu.edu. ***Resources for upcoming state exams – http://www.doe.mass.edu/mcas/2011/release/

http://nationsreportcard.gov/testyourself.asp

***OTP readers are invited to participate in “The 45-Day Challenge” a program which is designed to make a difference by utilizing the tested and proven formula “it takes 21 days to form or change habits” for parents or grandparents  of youth 6 to 16 years to turn problems into projects and discover the youth’s strongest intelligences, connect youth with activities that stimulate and motivate resulting with tools for rearing Self-determining, Motivated, Achieving, Responsible, Team-oriented or SMART youth.  Adults grouped by age of child, meetings held by teleconference -   Admission: A problem to solve.  For more info and to register call 718-783-0059 or e-mail parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.

Even though the Knicks have won 3 of their last 5 games, there has been some serenity on the team about their play with and without “Melo”. It has been said that the team lacks ball movement when Anthony is in the lineup because he’s the type of player that needs the ball in his hand to be effective. Others say that the Knicks are a much fast-paced and are more productive at moving the ball around which allows the team to kick the ball out to find open shots for players like J.R. Smith or Steve Novak to name a few. When coach Woodson was asked about that he simply replied, “Everyone is held accountable in what they do on the floor. When we win, we win as a team”.

However you want to slice ’n dice it, Carmelo Anthony is one of the most dynamic scorers in the league. Whether he slows down the tempo or speeds it up, come playoff time, he will be needed. If there’s anything needs to be done with him at this current time it is perhaps logging him to play less minutes to get him at least close to 100 percent with his nagging knee. It’s safe to say that Miami will lock up the number 1 seed in the Eastern Conference. The Heat have won 18 straight games. Seeds 2 through 8 can go either way in the next couple of weeks. The Knicks have the #2 seed and Brooklyn currently has the #5 seed. Seeds 2 through 8 are separated by at least 3 games. I think everyone is trying their best not to get the 8 seed as that will most likely indicate a first-round matchup with the Miami Heat. It is sure to be a fun couple of weeks as the season winds down.

Sports Notes: (Basketball) Before the Nets get ready for their West Coast trip, Deron Williams and the squad have one more home game at the Barclays Center against the Atlanta Hawks. Nets defeated the Hawks 93-80 in Atlanta last Saturday. Knicks continue their road trip tonight as they play the Portland Trail Blazers. (Football) NFL free agency has begun. What key players will the Giants and Jets add to their team to take the next step towards the Lombardi Trophy? (Baseball) 17 more days until Opening Day!!!

“The transformation of a nation begins in the homes of its people” is not original, it’s a derivative of the African proverb “The ruin of a nation begins in the homes of its people”. Further research revealed a pamphlet published in 1978 by National Organization for an American Revolution: “ Our Families Are Up To Us!’ In the pamphlet we find the following passages:
“One of the greatest characteristics of human beings is the ability to create a new reality by envisioning how things can be.” Citing the voyage of Pilgrims who were tired of being subjected to the Church of England and denied the right to control their own destiny and the Declaration of IOndependence from Britain in 1776.
In this modern age of technology, it’s difficult to see individuals in any position other than one of dependency, but it’s necessary. And the bottom line is adopting (living) values that give our children roots to grow….a sense of history, the understanding that the world is constantly changing and that individuals joining together for what they believe can influence and change the direction of the world.

We need to challenge our children to develop their full individuality which includes a sense of responsibility. We are not raising them to be doctors, lawyers, engineers – or even presidents – but to be whole human beings who will respect themselves and others for who they are as persons and not for the things they have or the jobs they hold. We must create a world where humane human beings are making decisions based on love and respect for humanity.

So this column is written in search of parents and adults who can buy into a mission that puts the yoke of responsibility for change in our hands and vow to make our families the laboratories from which transformation will take place. There’s a saying, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there”. So first things first…

Create, Revise or Review …
The Family Mission Statement
Sell the idea of a mission statement to your youngsters by telling them that the adopted mission statement ensures every family member fair and equal treatment… and promises support for individual projects, opportunities to gain experiences and skills among other benefits. Ask them to contribute benefits they’d like from family. (Some may need to be altered following discussion.) Be sure they understand that the adults are responsible for their well-being. This might be necessary when including adolescents. An example:
The mission of the Black Family is to have each and every individual appreciated and acknowledged as a unique being; to support each member in utilizing their innate talents to grow and contribute their gifts towards building family and community. To accomplish this mission we will do the following:

a) Have regular family meetings where updates are given, household management chores are assigned, issues resolved and acknowledged, problems aired, arguments resolved and kudos given for any and all accomplishments.

b) Provide opportunities for each person to pursue his or her own passion as well as participate in family events.

b) Create a method of problem-solving that features the win-win concept. When fights erupt, have the opponents work at creating a situation where both win. This exercise moves them from the “you or me” positions which create the disunity we currently experience in families and community and sends a fresh perspective to school and community. For more information on Home Works! E-mail parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.

All budget cuts are not equal, there are cuts that make sense and those helping the “poor, the tired, the huddled masses”, that don’t. According to a report from the Center for American Progress, a nonpartisan organization, the cuts will disproportionately affect African-Americans, and we will begin to feel it here in central Brooklyn with cuts in long-term unemployment benefits, child care, education, Section 8 Housing, Job Corps, WIC and local public sector jobs. There is not much fat to be found in these programs, only an increase in hunger, despair, dysfunction and undeveloped intellectual capital that becomes a drain rather than a resource.

On the other hand, Time magazine reported that the Pentagon plans to purchase 10 MQ- Reaper drones at a cost of $12,548,710.60 per drone and 2,457 F-35 jets for about $400 billion. It costs a lot to be able to kill people around the world at will, and that is money that could be more responsibly, and humanely, spent. As Republican Representative Justin Amash of Michigan said, “We are spending maybe 45% of the world’s budget on defense. If we drop to 42% or 43%, would we be suddenly in danger of some kind of invasion?… We’re bankrupting our country and it’s going to put us in danger.”

National Coalition of 100 Black Women public policy liaison Sherese Brewington-Carr said, “Sequestration as a strategy will not effectively reduce the national deficit or effectively address our country’s financial issues.” “Regrettably it will reduce human potential and adversely impact all communities, particularly African American and other communities of color. These communities already continue to struggle during this country’s economic recovery,” she said.
“Our leaders failed to avert this sequestration catastrophe, but they can still reach a compromise going forward,” said NCBW National President M. Delois Strum. “There must be other solutions and we must individually and collectively insist that our national leaders work together to find those alternative solutions that do not punish our most vulnerable citizens,” she said.

On Medgar Evers College
and the 2013 elections
In any election there are “litmustest” questions, questions for which there is only one right answer. As the candidates visit the churches and neighborhood functions, ask them what action they are planning to take to ensure the faculty and community have virtually veto power regarding the interim appointments, as well as the permanent leadership, at Medgar Evers College. Or were they planning to wait and see what Chancellor Matthew Goldstein’s search committee comes up with.

Last issue we listed four steps in developing a sense of being worthwhile, loved, capable and responsible in our children, more steps follow.

5. Allow your child to contribute. Chores are still in and actually instill in the child the sense “I can do this” contributing to a sense of being valuable. Children knowing they contribute to the household at an early age build self-esteem that will motivate achievement in school and life, instilling “Yes I Can”. Find skills and talents your child possess and create ways for them to be used. Being responsible and a sense of being worthwhile comes practice.

6. Accept your child’s uniqueness. Inability to accept differences and allowing others to define norms are major blocks in the pursuit of self-empowerment. As parents, grandparents and caretakers we have the opportunity and duty to use the time from birth to observe and acknowledge the gifts of children in our care. Think of it as preparing the child for going out in a thunder storm – not ranting about the storm but by demonstrating acknowledgement of the child’s abilities regularly, not comparing child with others and allowing child to hear you sharing their abilities with others.

Our children come through us and we are to nurture them and give the wings. If we are nurtured, we grow to express our uniqueness and contribute to the world. The seed knows what it is and what it has come to do. Our job as adults is to provide the nurturing, protect the child from the “isms” and “norms” allowing nature to provide the direction.

7. Teach Respect for Learning. Model a love for learning and not having all the answers. Read with child and learn something with child. Let child see you getting excited about learning something new. Monitor your feelings – if you discover a need to know the answer in any setting – at work or at child’s school- make a note of it. We are products of “needing to have the answers” culture…when we free ourselves we’re capable of demonstrating and transferring that skill to our children.

8. Don’t Judge, Attack or Curse. We must stop the attacks, blame and criticisms. Simply state the facts and invite a conversation where the result of action is compared to the desired result and then invite sharing why those actions happened and what could be done to prevent it from happening again. Begin to listen to your reactions to see what child is hearing and learning from you.

9. Use the same good manners that you would with an adult…Using”please and “thank you”

10. Encourage your child to pursue what they’re good at, not what you wish they were good at.

11. Teach problem solving by using problems as they arise at home. Problems will take on a different hue transferring anger to opportunities for discussion, even debate but in final analysis, feelings of accomplishments and pride and increased communication skills. For a Problem to Project outline send request to parentsnotebook@yahoo.com

12. Stay connected to Resources – We can’t raise children in isolation. The neighbor with a child is a potential resource. Parents in your child’s school and community organizations are resources. Wherever common needs exist, resources exist. What better reason to come together than to provide our children the opportunity to further self discovery and share with others.

With these steps our children will be equipped to deal with an ever-changing world. If we model values of integrity, justice and equality in our home and community, they will be prepared to change a world sorely in need of change. Can we do it? Yes,we can!

The Children’s Defense Fund’s statistics cite 32,108 children and teens having died in gun violence in the eleven years following the Columbine High School shooting (2000-2010), averaging 2,919 children and teens or 147 classrooms of 25 children. These deaths occurred every year for 11 years and occurred in every state. During this period, New York State ranked ninth with a total of 1,192 – 940 homicides, 214 suicides and 33 gun accidents.

As with all issues within this capitalist system, debates rage without reaching the point where humans matter over profit. There’s a need for parents to take the lead in saving the lives of the next generation, and in doing so we pay the highest tribute to our ancestors who survived slavery. We owe them.

This project doesn’t require attendance at meetings, rallies, although the choice is yours. It’s just important to know that we’re going back to first base and retrieve for ourselves and our children that which was lost and remains unretrieved, appreciation and love for self and others which equals reclaiming relationships with others as our highest-held value. Today, the journey begins with every adult, parent, teacher who has concern for the children. You are urged to engage in a project of reconciliation with the people in your life, take responsibility for the choices you’ve made, especially the other parent of your child and engage in a process of forgiving those you feel have wronged you. You are then able to demonstrate genuineness and empathy with the children and adults in your life, giving them space to grow. Children are in dire straits; estranged parents – many in embittered court battles, others abandoned by one or both and some not knowing who their father is. We owe them more. We owe ourselves more.

This is the time to remember that we, each of us, are expressions of Creative Energy (whatever you choose to call it), capable of living a purposeful life with cooperative and harmonious relationships. As parents, we must model a liberated life if our children are to fulfill their potential. It will require our uprooting and replacing the habits born from a sense of powerlessness with habits that come from self-knowledge, self-love and most of all divine right. We say the steps to developing a sense of being worthwhile, loved, capable, responsible include the following:
1. Make peace with your past – This includes forgiving your parents for whatever you think they did to you, regardless of how much agreement you have from others that your sibling was the favorite.

2. Take responsibility for the relationship that produced your child and make sure your child has a relationship with both parents because children suffer when they don’t. They suffer when one parent puts the other down. The suffering may not be verbal but it’s emotional and we’ll be looking for emotional wounds among our imprisoned youth. You and your partner may not have had a purpose (other than sex) for your relationship at one time, but now you do –saving your/our child.

3. Give your child individual attention regularly. Find some pocket of time for each of your children. It may be five minutes but those few minutes sends the message, “With all my parents have to do, I am important”.
4. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Unexpressed emotions often grow into anger and violence when left uncommunicated. Allow your child the space to speak the feelings, cry the tears even when you may not understand or agree with them. Remember that emotions are transient as long as they can be expressed. If not expressed, they may affect the child’s perception of people and things in a negative way for years to come and is quite likely the cause of the level of violence experienced today. We live in hypocrisy, anger and violence as a result of the conditioning to hide feelings.

We’ll continue with the remaining steps next time. If you’d like a copy of the exercise “Making Peace with your Past” send an e-mail to parentsnotebook@yahoo.com.